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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in line_of_trees' LiveJournal:

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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
12:26 pm
Actually it wasn't the funnest but eh lol, it was cool, I've never done that before and now I have! So yay.

Colin was fucking amazing though, omg, lol he was harmonizing and everything ^^ it was really cool!! And I love Guilty Gear, I really want to play it again ^^ Almost more fun than mashing buttons with Aaron on Soul Caliber II hehe...wee!! Good times, good times.

La la laa....I think I want to do this survey ^^

Mark your confessions
[ ] I'm afraid of the quiet.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I'm afraid of the dark.
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[ ] I am homosexual.
[x] I believe in true love
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad
[x] I stay out all night.
[x] I open up to others easily. [depends on who it is but yeah, that's been known to happen when I feel like it]
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world. [there are three people in the world who know everything about me]
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I love Disney movies.
[x] I am a sucker for pretty eyes. [ohhhh yeah lol]
[x] I don't kill bugs. [i take them outside ^^]
[x] I curse once in a while
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped and fallen in public.
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class. [i want to....!!!! ive worn clothes i slept in to breakfast, and once to hand in a final paper...lol]
[x] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[x] I have a job.
[x] Talked on a phone for 5 hours.
[x] I like someone.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[ ] I love Dr. Phil
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh.
[x] I have tried alcohol.
[x] I drink alcohol on a regular basis. [this break ONLY. lol. at least once a week]
[ ] I have tried a cigarette.
[ ] I have tried a cigar.
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[x] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have a few scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I love chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[x] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[x] I've gotten lost in the city. [strange but true ^^ man...LES, fucking confusing >.<]
[x] Seen a shooting star.
[ ] Had a serious injury
[ ] Gone out in public in your pajamas. [see above]
[ ] Have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight.
[ ] Been arrested.
[ ] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at your parents.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of [ ] in one hour.
[x] Bitten someone. [oh man....lol]
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] Gotten the chicken pox twice.
[ ] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Have been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[x] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. [oh please lol i want to find someone who hasn't!! lol]
[x] Stole something from your job. [oh man lol ask me about Langdon.....i have a million rolls of florist's tape from there lol]
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. [sorta]
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker. [ewww]
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[ ] Saw someone/something dying.
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[x] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a Plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x]Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[x] Been skiing. [sorta]
[x] Been ice skating
[x] Cried in public
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. [hmmm]
[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have. [lol maybe i still do >.<]
[x] Thought of someone almost 24/7
[x] Hated the world.

Current Mood: cute
Friday, December 30th, 2005
8:43 pm
New Year's Resolutions/Goals
1. Listen to every song Ben's given me, at least the first five seconds
2. Finish the Hitchhiker's trilogy, perhaps the other two as well. And perhaps try out the Wheel of Time while you're at it, so you can finally know what those LOSERS are talking about ^^ jk i love you all
3. Learn some more crocheting stitches.
4. Do some type of dance thing by the end of the semester. That isn't DDR. Unless it's a DDR competition.
5. Join some type of extracurricular thing at Brown.
6. Read more books in general.
7. Try at least one new color in my hair this year.
8. Work on my paper journal every night.
9. Stop being an emo little girl.
10. Be able to be happy by myself. Genuinely happy.

Current Mood: wee
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
12:50 pm
Yesterday was so much fun!!! Ah....I went on a walk with Richard, we walked past the fancy stores around midtown, everyone was looking at the window displays. We went into this scary store where you buy a deflated doll and watch its guts get installed. Very cute. So we basically ran around making fun of the dolls and discussing sexuality in front of little kids. It was deeply entertaining, we left before they could yell at us or anything. We're a lot of fun together still, it's awesome ^^ I just can't believe...It really shows up how insecure I am with Aaron, that everything is so fucking easy with Richard. I don't have anything I'm uncomfortable talking about with him, any request I can't make. I like how Aaron told me to be myself......but he also told me several times that if I become attached to him I should run, and I understand that he can't deal with that but at the same time what kind of a relationship is that?? I like being with him cos it's fun, he's a great person to go along with my weird ideas, but eventually I'll be attached to him and wondering why he doesn't like me back. Well....It'll either hurt now, by stopping this, or later, when it falls apart, and by later I'll have some lovely memories. So that's my stance, I don't care that everyone's telling me this isn't going to work. I know that ^^ hehe. It's strange to be so fatalistic about a relationship, but what about it isn't strange by now??? lol. I like the strangeness ^^
Laaaa....But yes. So we walked to Central Park and sat down on a rock, and Richard had brought a picnic, and he brought una-jyu (eel and rice)...!!!! I was so excited!!!!! Ahh I cannot explain how exciting that was. It was perfect...It was exactly what I'd been dreaming about ^^ hehehe!! It's my favorite food. But yeah.....So we had our picnic, well I ate and Richard finished what I couldn't cos he wasn't too hungry, which meant he got cold rice :( I'm sorry!!! But yeah...So then we walked back, and stopped in a candy shop and Richard bought me a stuffed squirrel!!!! It wasn't a real one, but I'm amazed that they make stuffed-animal squirrels!! That was fantastic. We were considering naming him Ardilla, but decided it would be more funny to name him Bunny in Spanish. I forgot it though >.< I'll find it. Speaking of Ardilla, supposedly we're going to get to see Darrell on Wednesday!!!! I really cannot wait, wow. That would be so fantastic!! Getting to see both him and Colin before January ^^ yay! But yeah....Some people might not know the Ardilla story.....Darrell and I bought this teal stuffed bunny and he named it Ardilla and we had joint custody, it was awesome, eventually I just took it though. And I took it to school and wore it in my jacket every single day, because I liked Darrell at the time >.< tee hee! Mew. But yeah, Ardilla means "squirrel" in Spanish I believe, so that's why.
Mewp....Took Richard for the customary bra-shopping experience....He was complaining that Aaron gets to do the fun parts of being a boyfriend without the hard parts, like bra shopping....It's true, Aaron's lucky in this. He also knows that I'm pretty cool with things, so because Marilla's threatening to kill herself she gets priority sometimes. But I understand how it is.
Hehe I can't wait til Wednesday!!!!

Current Mood: yay!
Friday, December 9th, 2005
11:22 am
Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005 (not including memes of course). Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".

January: yayyyyy another one [year] to botch up!

February: Checking out pro-ana communities on this very website and I come across this.

March: I like the song, it makes me feel creative and interesting and it reminds me of trying to play it for Jackson's band which makes me a little sad, and it also reminds me of Marina listening to it on Jackson's CD player which somehow makes me a little sad too.


May: I'm really excited about these things like prom and senior dinner. I'm very happy that everyone was actually invited to the after-prom party, i really thought we wouldn't be.

June: all the shit you never wanted to know about me.

July: Okay I must know.....Does anyone (I guess just Czarine ^^) know where to find the music that's played at the end of episodes on iloveegg.com?

August: I realize that I've spent a ton of time just chilling with Richard.

September: I realize that if I ever actually thought about how different my life is now, I'd be really upset.

October: My journal is always full, every day there's something to write about. It's so beautiful....

November: wow this makes me realize how boring i am ^^ [survey]

Wow...interesting. Hehe for December I'll have to check out my xanga:

December: Oh man. I love the world right now. lol.

Hehe! Very telling.
Oh man, my year......So much.....It started out in senior year lol, actually yknow probably pretty life-changing around then I think, or was that in the fall? I think it was in the fall. I'm been talking about it so much with Kate lol....mieh. But yeah. Then the summer, which was fun....then China!!!....then Brown...orientation....Aaron..........Haha Aaron asked if I had the exact date and time of our first kiss in my journal, I said I really didn't even know if it was morning or night, but I do know between which days it was ^^ hehe.
Ahh....Listening to the Nutcracker makes me SOOOO happy....!!! It's snowing like crazy right now, I want to go play in it!!!! But first I need to do my work.....poopie! >.< lol. Damn finals. Damn working on a Friday when it's snowing TOO.....!!!!! grrr...!!! hehehe.

Current Mood: hehehehehehe
Saturday, November 19th, 2005
12:30 pm
Things that make me happy
1. Pink/sparkly things
2. Origami
3. Getting letters
4. Getting Facebook messages
5. Getting emails
6. Seeing photos
7. Okay okay, Aaron.
8. Sleep
9. Warm days
10. Watching anime
11. Watching Adam ^^ (W. not R.)
12. Getting Facebook-friended by people from long ago (ex Adam R, ex Jordan)
13. Speaking Japanese to Aaron and having him not understand ^^
14. The RISD art store omg
15. My blending pen
16. On the same line, wintergreen oil. I should do my project......lol
17. And my silver sharpie. I'm a fully qualifying New York teenager now, yay!
18. Showers. The warmth, not the getting ready for them though >.< hate college for that.
19. Salvation Army
20. Gotta say Aaron again....^^ Damn him for being in NYC. Damn him!!!!
21. Andrew W. K.
22. Ben's speakers
23. Ben's crappy beer. Damn him for being in New Hampshire. Damn the world this weekend!!!! lol
24. My iPod. It has everything ^^
25. iChat is really fun
26. Hanging out with Maggie and Ben and Aaron, it's always fun
27. Tech House!! How did I not put that on the very top...??
28. Taking walks
29. Miki's letters ^^
30. Shopping, esp. Hot Topic lol

Ah...That was hard. In the beginning of the year I could have had a list of at least 200. Now I can barely do 30....Grr. I'm not sad I'm just not as wildly happy as I was in the beginning of the year, my denial has been wearing off lol. But that just means I have to find something to make myself happy ^^ lol. I just keep thinking about how much more wonderful things could be if we figured this whole shit out (meaning if we figured it out in my favor ^^ lol). That's not a great way to think, I need to find something else lol.

Current Mood: trying ^^
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
8:10 am
tuesday, 8:10 am, in aaron's pajamas
aaron and i aren't together anymore but we still cuddle

I don't know if I'll get used to this. I'm praying that I will, get used to turning in my sleep to face him and we pause a brief held moment before he turns his face away, or I do. I mentioned it to him and he said That complicates things, I made my decision on the belief that you didn't want anything more and I said Maybe. I really don't know, I just miss certain things, there are things I don't like and things I do, and there's just a great gaping hole where kissing used to be that I'm finding hard to deal with but it'll be okay, I told him, daijoubuyo, daijoubu.

Current Mood: lonely
Friday, November 11th, 2005
11:56 am
lots of issues
So I slept over with Aaron last night and we stayed up til 3:30 talking. We spent 6 hours discussing things lol. The first three hours of that were me telling my life story and Aaron finishing his with talking about high school. And then we discussed our current situation...Apparently he hasn't really broken things off with Marilla yet which is kind of alarming, I didn't know that. But....He says he doesn't want to hurt either of us and he can't decide because Marilla is more easily hurt but also it would be dumb for him to try and stay with her through four years of college and not getting to see her ever except during the break. Speaking of which, Thanksgiving break will make our decision lol because Marilla will probably want to be close with him again then. I'm glad that he discussed this with me, it means he's gotten over just sneaking around and pretending that it isn't a big deal to kiss someone else. But we will have to figure something out because both Marilla and I are being shortchanged and confused at the moment. What would you suggest?

I'm thinking that I'll just have to back down. I can't see any other way, if I got any more involved with him while he's still with Marilla I'd just feel used. And besides, he's not like the love of my life or anything lol. This is actually a good opportunity to make everyone else feel less uneasy about me being with him ^^ He explained everything and he said he's sorry, it was partly his fault although there were also other things, like he kept trying to break up with Dianna and it kept not working, she was very clingy, also during the summer he was impossibly lonely and Marilla had recently stopped talking to him for some strange reason so yeah. It's not perfect, he's not perfect but it's understandable. Like me hating to watch Risa with Colin, I have no moral right to tell her to stop but it just hurts me so I say it anyways. Like Marilla not being with him but still having a right to make me step down because of how strongly she feels. We have to take those things into account too.

Mew....It's a little sad to me that this will be the second time this fall that I've had to back down for another girl, lol. Ah.....It's not even necessarily that I don't want to be with him, I'm just better at keeping myself in denial than Marilla is.

It might also, depending on how much he actually likes me it might be worse for him to lose me because he would only have Marilla who is so far away.

Current Mood: pensive, a little sad
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
12:29 pm
wow this makes me realize how boring i am ^^
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) made out with a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) skipped school (classes)
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) slept with more than 15 people
( ) been called a slut
( ) had a one night stand
( ) slept with someone you don't even know their name
( ) seen someone die
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying (the heat, homework, relationships, etc. will do that to you)
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers [OH YEAH crayons!!!! hehehe..for art class too ^^]
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about [almost...after prom]
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone roller skating
(x) had a wish come true
(x) worn pearls [fake ones ^^]
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed penis in class [omg do we all remember Brian casually mentioning "vagina" to Mr. Lynch? hehe]
( ) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you love them
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress [it's really slutty ^^ hehe. i dont wear it of course]
( ) had a dream that you married someone [my last dream was that aaron wanted to break up....it was sad :( ]
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish...
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes [umm aaron's pajamas......:-p ]
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top [of an apartment house, yeah]
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours [i think my limit was three :( ]
(x) stayed up all night [alone....it was sad]
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) picked and ate an apple [ahh...so fun :) ]
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone [so definitely...]
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played nicky nicky 9 doors (What is this?)
( ) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger [hahaha kyle ^^ ]
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
( ) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you [please don't remind me]
(x) cheated on a test
(x) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dipping

Okay I guess I'm more interesting than the girl I stole this from, hehe! Interesting. Yeah....Oh man. It's pretty cool, I like that thing.
Oh man....so much drama. So Maggie and I shared stories and apparently Aaron was involved with the girl whose photo is on his desk, and also I found out on my own that it happened to overlap with a relationship with another girl, which is very funny to us and makes me definitely want to limit my relationship with him to the "cuddle bitch" status......Ahh. What a weirdo. Who would think he could get girlfriends? And two at once? So interesting. I don't really want to ask him about it, I just want to know if he's still going out with the girl in the photo. It's funny that Maggie knows this about him though. She's going to IM the girl for me too. It's too bad she's not on facebook (she's a senior in HS)...hm. Oh well.
It's a pity, I hope that he won't be like "let's not talk or cuddle just because you aren't going to let me touch you". That would make me sad. But still wouldn't change my decision ^^ At the moment I think he's a bit of a sleazeball, honestly. I don't get him so I'd rather keep him at a distance.

Current Mood: narrowed eyes
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
12:23 pm
i don't know anymore
I use those words way too much.

I'm not in the best mood right now which is unusual for the past two months. It's probably my own fault, I'm probably making this all up. But...........I cannot tell for the life of me if Aaron is really interested. I'm beginning to think that Kate lied or exaggerated when she told me he had told her that I was "the most amazing girl he'd met here" or something like that that's just so uncharacteristic of him. I don't know. And I saw him with Ben today and I told Ben, I haven't seen you in a ridiculously long time and he said Yeah but didn't really look at me and it made me sad. I'll go call on him later but I don't know. I have no energy today. I'm just so sad that Aaron said kissing was a game, that he can't think of it seriously, I had an empty dream that he liked me and it was special and now I have no idea, he's fun to be around but I really need someone to connect with and I can't keep going back and forth between the surface and my dreams when I'm with him, we always return to the surface and it's fun to joke, but if that's all it is and all it will be I might as well start looking for someone else. And stop kissing him. I gave him no kisses yesterday, it was a conscious decision and I think he noticed possibly which pleases me. I did tell him I was uncomfortable with him making fun of kissing, calling attention to the fact that he didn't take it seriously, and he said do you think it's this sacred thing? And I said no....But what I believe is that it should be special. Shouldn't it? Why would you kiss someone if it wasn't special?

Lonely now. I have to see Maggie and Ben more but last time I saw them they just kind of stared at me, I don't know what's going on but especially with Ben it really seems like he doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know what's going on.

Current Mood: empty and sadly frustrated
Friday, September 16th, 2005
12:28 pm
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
12:02 am
Back from Huizhou
It's been pretty much impossible to update since my last because I'm been in mainland China most of the time...We went to Beijing with a tour group for 5 days, and then went to Huizhou (pronounced more like Wai-tsow...go figure^^) for another 5 days. Beijing was frightening...I resented being on a tour most of the time, because it just seemed so fake, but by the end of the trip I realized that that's probably the only way you can see Beijing. It's just not accessible... What's spooky is the feeling that the only people in the whole city are tourists and the dirt-poor. There are other people wandering around, but they're nothing compared to the immensity of those two groups. So all you can do in Beijing is be shown around on the guided routes and take tours of "factories" that have a direct route to the gift shop and have beggars grab at you as you try to get back into your air-conditioned tour bus. The only word I could come up with for Beijing was "scary"......I actually enjoyed most of what we did, but the general spooky aura of the place was kind of overpowering.

Current Mood: cheerful
Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
6:52 pm
omfg i'm in china!!!!!!!!!!! lol
There's actually LiveJournal in Chinese, so it's kinda hard to navigate! Good thing I'm so used to where all the links are :)
Yesterday we were in Macao, and now we're back in Hong Kong. In Macao....Macao really is full of casinos lol, but it's also full of these gorgeously decrepit apartment buildings that I just loved. Richard has an adorable little cousin who's so cute you want to eat him up, but he's also way spoiled >.< It's kinda annoying to watch, it would be hard if he weren't so cute ^^
Ahh...In the hotel in Macao Richard's uncle gave the four of us two rooms, and Richard and I slept in one! That was a little odd lol, but we all know Richard, he doesn't take advantage of a situation like that the way other people might lol. His family got a kick out of that though, lol. Today he was kinda tired and they asked him if I kept him up all night ^^
It's really hard though. None of his family speaks English besides his mom and Gary, so I'm kinda always out of the loop. Like when people want me to do something or ask me something, they have to get it translated first...:(. It's very sad with Richard's 12-year-old girl cousin because she looks really fun to talk to but I can't!! That made me very sad. I spend a lot of time with my mouth closed because I don't want to distract Richard from what he's hearing around him in Cantonese. It must be so hard for him!!! :(
La...I can read Chinese better than I can understand it spoken :) lol. The tones are just impossible for me, what I learn slips straight out of my head. I know the verb for eating though lol, that must be the most often-used one ^^ Richard says it's not true that everyone greets people with "Have you eaten yet?", it's just country folk who do that. Makes sense.
Na, na...Richard's sleeping now, he looks happy. I'm typing on the computer in the room where we sleep...I feel bad for his cousin Dickie cos he was trying to play GTA but....all the on-screen instructions are in English! He takes English in school but I guess he's not good enough yet cos he didn't know where to go. He has very long earlobes, he looks EXACTLY like a little Buddha ^^
Otay, I think this is enough. I'll write later, if I can :) Bye-bye!

Current Mood: comparatively happy
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
9:42 pm
this is much better
Your Hippie Chick Name is: Sunflower

9:33 pm
that's crappy
Slow and Steady
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
10:36 pm
OMG im going to china
this is so trippy

I can't believe its actually going to happen. I am actually going to BE IN CHINA


Im going to spend 12-17 hours on a plane with Richard. woot.

Im going to meet his cousins who are apparently into Japanese stuff. It would be crazy to speak Japanese to them, although I really wasn't planning on that seeing as its, well, China.

Im going to be fucking hot every single day. woot.

Mmm but seriously I'm going to have fun.
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
6:14 am
Okay I must know.....Does anyone (I guess just Czarine ^^) know where to find the music that's played at the end of episodes on iloveegg.com? (If you haven't checked this out, you MUST. Click on "episode05", it's definitely the cutest ^^)

Current Mood: peppy
Saturday, June 18th, 2005
9:33 pm
I don't dance as well as I'd like to. It's disappointing.

I'm working on the diplomas and as I write every name I see their faces in my head... Every person has some memory attached to them, something. Everyone knows I'm not popular so I don't have to explain that most of these people probably don't know me. But it's going to be a little sad to leave. Even though I'm not attached to most of my classmates, they still impart a certain mood to school, I mean what would it be without the people that I don't necessarily care for?
You know what I treasure? I feel silly saying this but when I left the bathroom Soomin passed me and he told me that I looked very nice. I think that was one of the high points of the prom for me, up there with slow-dancing with Colin (I mean, it was definitely more sincere, lol). It's just unusual for a person like that to notice me, let alone compliment me. Also Gwynn telling me that I was one of the prettiest girls or something, I'm not sure because I couldn't believe it. Tee hee - at the after-party, when Richard was drunk he was saying I was the prettiest girl in the universe. *grin* He's so sweet! I'm glad he got to talk to Gwynn and everyone, I hope he had a lot of fun.
Darrell was different last night. I've never seen him dancing and I've definitely never seen him drink. He was still his old self though so I wasn't scared, though the first time I saw him with a cup I was very freaked out and shrank into the shelter of Colin's scratchy jacket's arm.
I really liked snuggling up on Colin on the couch by the window. It was nice and cool there, and I remember distinctly being amazed that I could feel Colin's chest rise and fall with his breathing, and praying that I would never have to move, that I could fall asleep and become inextractable from him and we would just have to sleep side by side all night, there by the plants. I really wanted to do something, to kiss him, I don't care, I tried to snuggle my face into his neck affectionately and he fidgeted so I stopped. I didn't want him to realize that I was really that close to him, discover my plans. He was taking it so well. But I feel so badly. I want to be close to him so bad that it physically hurts, and yet I know he doesn't like me and only humors my advances, takes them in gamely without notice until I get too close and then he politely closes himself off.
Once I said "I love you" because I meant it, and when he didn't respond I said "I mean it, too", and then he turned and asked a quiet me what I said.

Current Mood: pleased
Monday, June 13th, 2005
5:43 pm
all the shit you never wanted to know about me.
Current Location:same, in my house
Eye Color:Light brown
Hair Color:Light brown
Height:5'3 and a quarter
Right Handed or Left Handed:Go lefties
Your Heritage:Um....I'm your basic European mutt.
The Shoes You Wore Today:My old old old white leathery flipfloppy sandal things
Your Weakness:Hmm, screens. And pea soup. I'll do anything for pea soup ^^
Your Fears:Being helpless
Your Perfect Pizza:Umm I liked Joeys before they CLOSED
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Being considered an optimist
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:^^
Thoughts First Waking Up:Today? oh god I remember, I was so fucking freaked out. But I can't tell you why ^^
Your Best Physical Feature:come back to me on that one. cmon, its summer, i never look nice
Your Bedtime:11
Your Most Missed Memory:Being friends with Jackson and hanging out at his house. Honestly.
Pepsi or Coke:pepsi twist yo!
MacDonalds or Burger King:Umm I've never eaten at Burger King i dont think
Single or Group Dates:Dunno I've only ever been on single but uhh group sounds cool if its with friends ^^
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:I havent tried either. Homemade iced tea is much better.
Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla definitely. Have you ever noticed how great vanilla is? It really has a fantastic taste.
Cappuccino or Coffee:I don't think I've had a cappuccino but...I like the weak iced coffees in Chinatown the best ^^
Do you Smoke:No, that's dumb. Who the fuck would pay to kill themselves slowly.
Do you Swear:see above
Do you Sing:Umm no. In graduation rehearsal ^^ And sometimes when I'm with Richard. I used to sing much more.
Do you Shower Daily:In the summer yes, unless I really have no time.
Have you Been in Love:I don't know yet. I think you'd have to have died already to know.
Do you want to go to College:BROWN 09 wooot
Do you want to get Married:Perhaps, actually.
Do you belive in yourself:When I have nothing better to do
Do you get Motion Sickness:Only in cars and in trains going backwards
Do you think you are Attractive:Fuck no
Are you a Health Freak:No, I wish
Do you get along with your Parents:Yea
Do you like Thunderstorms:tee hee hee yesh ^^
Do you play an Instrument:Piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Hmm...I've had sips of beer but i dont drink
In the past month have you Smoked:no silly, didnt we already determine that smoking is dumb?
In the past month have you been on Drugs:no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:no, no more date candidates they all left or gave up :'(
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Hmm actually I think I was in the Manhattan Mall a month ago
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:Who eats a whole box?? I've had one
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:course. I make sushi ^^
In the past month have you been on Stage:I've walked across one ^^ yeah I was in the ACC fashion show
In the past month have you been Dumped:I've never been dumped because I've never had a bf
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Never
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Hahaha umm two apples from D'Agostinos. That makes the total sum I've stolen $1.75 hehehe
Ever been Drunk:Never
Ever been called a Tease:Hmm yknow I think I have, actually, but I don't remember who said it. Someone who wanted in my pants (for some odd reason) from camp probably
Ever been Beaten up:No hehehe
Ever Shoplifted:Yeah, those two apples and a lil mirror.
How do you want to Die:Painlessly. Also I want to disappear, I don't want to leave a body behind.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:get back to me on this one
What country would you most like to Visit:Probably Japan right now. I want to see Miki!! tee hee hee
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Light - blue, green, etc, although those are often taken or dickish I've noticed
Favourite Hair Color:go away this isnt important
Short or Long Hair:cmon shut up already
Height:i'm not listening
Weight:Not skinny. Anywhere from Colin's to Richard's physique. I like to be comfy ^^ not poked
Best Clothing Style:They are who they are, go away. "Oh, I like sk8rs" fuck you
Number of Drugs I have taken:huh? thats a switch. and no fucking drugs, get away
Number of CDs I own:I dunno lol who counts? but prolly like 4 anyways :-P
Number of Piercings:ears so two
Number of Tattoos:um none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Okay who counts this shit?

Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
10:05 pm
Hoe...........Ah, hi-su!!
*blinks with shiny eyes*
Yeah, Pita-ten overload.
Man that show is incredibly cute.

WOOT got trimmings to try with my dress tonight. But...I really don't know how I'm going to do this. And the tiny lil ribbon roses are SO expensive!! Well, at least they had a good selection. Any suggestions for placing peach roses on a gold dress...???

tee hee hee hee hee

My eyes are blurring and crossing. This isn't good. I should sleep but I know I have things to do, like FINALLY draw the shit for ACC or like read Lolita, which I will have to have finished if we do indeed have morning classes tomorrow.

I can't wait till college. Except for the whole major-choosing crap, it seems like it'll be a lot of fun ^^

Un, I hope Wendy likes the gluegun-wax thing enough to wait for the glue to arrive from Cathy. Wendy is odd, she never has the same mood two minutes in a row.

I have to figure out some way to print out my pictures for Miki, my printer seems to only trust blue and yellow these days. I wish our letters went faster....It's so long between letters!! But when they come they're amazing ^^

Ah, prom. Prom prom prom at least I don't have to impress anyone. I think I made Colin mad today :( cos stupid me, I tried to kiss him on the cheek and he was too slow and I actually succeeded. Its very soft ^^ but yeah I don't think he was happy. *ears droop* sorry sorry Colin......I wish I could listen to you more but I really can't help myself. Be glad I'm not jumping on you every five seconds. At least all you have to put up with is some arm-raping and one small kiss.

tee hee hee hee hee

Current Mood: cute
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
10:32 pm
Ahh but why won't my sister leave the bathroom

I'm really excited about these things like prom and senior dinner. I'm very happy that everyone was actually invited to the after-prom party, i really thought we wouldn't be. I mean, that they'd try to exclude us. We aren't that bad, just cliques dont like other cliques. But they told us we should go, and Gwynn told me and Richard to go, so it seems like a good sign. Plus it's in Tribeca, which is cool cos then it won't be so far to drag Richard before he gets too drunk ^^
Twenty bucks though. Oh well, we'll manage.

Mm. I think I've been happier. Brian says I seem happier ^^ I didn't think he noticed things about me.
Oh and open-minded as I might be I get incredibly squeamish when my guy friends (besides Richard, I'm immune to this from him by now) talk about their members. Can't bear it. Colin and Darrell both did today and eggghhhhhhhhh it makes my hair stand on end, it's such a foul feeling imagining your friends to actually have sexual organs. Dunno why.
But Colin is very very cute. I took a picture of him today ^^ I hope it came out okay!!!

Current Mood: fine ^^
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